August 10th, 2011

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Today - Wednesday 10 August - is the closing night for Emperor and Galilean at the National Theatre.

I will be there. It is going to break my heart. I often miss shows when they go eg Season's Greetings. I returned to the Lyttelton to see Rocket to the Moon after Season's Greetings closed. I hated Rocket to the Moon. I was being completely pathetic but I felt like tearing down the Rocket set and reinstating the Season's Greetings Christmas tree.

Emperor and Galilean has come to mean too much to me. I have been having a hard time of it lately and seeing the production has given me the inner strength I need to keep going and fight on. One of the many themes in the play is Christianity vs Paganism and faith generally. I am a new Christian. There are two very traumatic scenes for me in the play. As a new Christian, one of those scenes is where Julian cuts Agathon's Cross off from around his neck, throws it on the ground, and then stamps on it two times with such force that it smashes into tiny pieces. I find that particular scene almost unbearable to watch.

The play is therefore very personal and speaks directly to me. I have taken it into my heart. It will break my heart to let it go (sound of Raks's heart breaking!).

Most Andrew Scott fans who have come to see the play have adopted James McArdle who plays Agathon. I like to be different - I have adopted Jamie Ballard who plays Gregory. Two reasons. Firstly, Jamie is an amazing actor - he is outstanding. Shout out to Jamie Ballard! Secondly, his character Gregory. Gregory is a man of the purest faith, of the highest integrity, who stands up for what he believes in, for his faith and for his principles. He takes this to the limit - ultimately he is martyred. This is the type of person that I want to be - Gregory is my ambition, my aspiration and my inspiration. So is someone else, who I know in real life, who shall remain nameless - he knows who he is!

Today I managed to catch one of the most elusive members of the Emperor and Galilean cast at the stage door - John Heffernan who plays Peter. He hardly ever appears at the stage door, because I think he is quite shy. However, he was really charming and actually spent quite a bit of time talking to me and a friend. Belated shout out to John Heffernan!